December 19
As the festive season tightens its merciless grip upon the nation, sticky with the sickly effulgence of mulled wine, what will you be voting for in the next poll to be visited upon us by our capricious tech overlords? Give Elon a double kick in the Teslas and vote for JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH to lead us out of this murky gloom, cos we’re still here and lining up to provide another massive dose of vibe thanks to the seasonally unadjusted skills of man like Luke “Clarence Odbody” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Krampus” Thomas (drms) as they switch on the lights, light the fire, and set forth a mighty feast of hot licks and cool grooves for you to lean into and be carried far, far away to a magnificent realm of peace and happiness throughout the land… don’t sit in your damp underheated chartered home, waiting nervously for the delivery man who never comes, wishing you were somehow Argentinian, fretting about the swirling clouds of horrendous bullsh*t looming just over the 2023 event horizon, as the bills mount and the wretched crew of chancers currently shamming it as our democratically elected government turn on each other like rats in a deregulated privatised sewage system clogged with useless PPE and broken promises… let it come down, til a real rain comes, til Jezza “Who, me?” Clarkson is made to parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant, ‘Shame!’ and throw lumps of excrement at him, til the weak are lifted up and the venal are cast down… until that time, fret not because of evildoers, neither be envious against the workers of iniquity, for they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb, and instead get onto the good foot and get along to where there’s music and laughter and love and romance, the Bee’s team shimmering behind the well-stocked bar, the creatures of the night on their nameless errands, Mr Magic with his masterplan, Abdul and his magic gin, Big Fruity, Cap’n Jack Rowan at the helm and all shall be well, for today at least, let tomorrow look after itself, who’s in? We’re in.
December 5
Tonight’s Bees Mouth post is brought to you by Elon Musk and his Open.ai generative text writing robot.
“Attention all music fans and creatures of the night! Get ready for a night of swinging jazz at the hottest hip bar in town. JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEES MOUTH.
This Saturday night (edit - actually tonight, Monday ) the hottest bar around will be filled with imaginary creatures of all shapes and sizes, all gathering to enjoy the sweet sounds of jazz. The evening will feature some of the best jazz musicians in the city (Luke 'Leon Kowalski' Rattenbury -gtr Loz 'Roy Batty' Thomas - drms) playing a mix of classic and contemporary tunes. From soulful ballads to up-tempo swing, there will be something for everyone to enjoy.
The atmosphere at the bar will be electric, with the music echoing through the air and the drinks flowing freely. The bar will be decorated in a classic jazz style, with velvet curtains, dim lighting and plenty of comfy chairs and couches to relax in.
But it's not just the music that people will be coming for. The bar will be filled with a variety of unique and imaginative creatures, from mermaids and dragons to fairies and goblins. They'll be mingling and dancing together, adding to the atmosphere of the evening.
So come on down to the hottest hip bar in town this Saturday (edit - actually Monday) night and be prepared to be transported to an enchanted world of music and imagination. Bee’s Mouth Western Road 9-11pm”
Normal service will be resumed next week.