Sept 26
So here you are, flailing around in the overwhelm at the end of time, or doggedly keeping a steady head as the receding spectre of morbid flummery recedes from your media eye along with its attendant notions of duty and service and all that… get into the swing of things by throwing caution to the wings and moseying down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEES MOUTH where we’ll be relentlessly focussing on GROWTH under the impassive oversight of Luke “Wealth Of Nations” Rattenbury (gtr) and the mercurial bravado of Loz “Das Kapital” Thomas (drms), as they unapologetically present a daring programme of hot licks and cool grooves that will be available to all, even those earning under £150,000 per annum,… our policy platform is based around growth of good vibes, growth of good music, growth of inter-human communication, growth of peace and understanding, and savage cuts to all forms of bullshit and extraneous fuckries across the nation, so as the first premonitory zephyrs of autumn’s sere breath curl around the leaf, still green and unwithered, as the sun shines upon the glassy sea, as the fruit rots upon the hedgerow, as the eels swarm under the silent waters and the questing vole passes, feather footed, through the plashy fen, we’ll be gathering yet again under the auspices of doughty cap’n Jack Rowan and his team of ascended beings to do our thing and keep the darkness at bay - incoherent unelected stealth Ukippers, Kami Kwasi and Cruella Braverman, Italian fascists, nuclear tyrants, flood, fire, pestilence, Naked Attraction and Married At First Sight, all the evils of this world can be kept away for another evening if we all click our heels and say the magic words, act like we know the creator has a master plan, so grab your axe and come and sit in, we’ll do a thing.
Sept 19
Had enough of Mournhub? Fatigued by hushed punditry? Jaded by ostentatious displays of hierarchically structured grieving? Disconcerted by the televised confluence of pallbearing and ephebophilia? Disorientated by the brown-note of sub-bass organ pipes delivered through your earbuds? Dismayed, discouraged, disenfranchised, distracted, disturbed, displaced, distempered, dissed? Well, JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH is open tonight, cos it’s what she would have wanted, offering you a shelter from the all-pervading miasma of pageantry with a nice lil palate-cleanser of respectfully delivered blues-to-bop-to-latin-to-swing-to-whatever thanks to the untiring efforts of those heads of state Luke “All Hail The King” Rattenbury (gtr) and special guest Angus “The Bishop” Bishop (drms) both ready and willing to lay it out for the people, aided in some fashion by me on the ol dog house, plus whatever honoured guests may rouse themselves from their contemplation of the end of an era, duty, service etc and make their way through the hushed echoing streets to sit in and do their thing… the Bee’s Team will be present in all their heraldic splendour behind the well-stocked bar, the usual creatures of the night will creep forth upon their nameless errands that time and tide alone cannot delay, the planets shall heave their unwinking lights above the far horizon, it’ll be something and what else can it be? What else can we be, here by the ocean shore at the end of time? Get along, come thru, all are welcome: redundant bagpipers, outraged royalists, whoevs, lets do a thing.
Sept 12
If even the most ardently loyal royalists now feel slightly oppressed by the doling out of doleful condolences on all channels, while the snarkiest antiestablishmentarians may find the mordant edge of their incisively cynical shitposting has become blunted by the sheer effort of keeping it up in new and original way, don’t feel downhearted, just gird your loins and mosey along to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH where you can stave off a right royal menty B and refresh your ideological zeal for whatever exactly it is that you think you believe in these days by drinking in deep, healing draughts of the musical elixir that pours forth, in an unending stream, from those cornucopias of hot licks, cool grooves and general musical basedness known at this octave of divine vibration as Luke “Nova Swing” Rattenbury (gtr) and special guest monster Tristan “T-Bone” Banks (drms, barbecue) as they send you up on a rocket to the moon, my friend, or at any rate to a place where no-one says ‘end of an era’ or ‘a tradition of service’ or ‘she had a good innings’ or ‘chief monarch of a thieving genocidal empire’ or ‘funded by tax cuts’ any other of the well-worn phrases that are crushing your zest as surely as the hand of time crushed Lizzy II and will one day crush you too, dear reader, like a clove of garlic upon a press…. not tonight tho, tonight the moon is ripe and beaming, the foxes disport among the garbage, the sea is alive with the teeming fishes, the orchards heavy with fruit, the planets bright in the sky, the Bee’s team and Jack The Dandy Highwayman and and Tattoo Albert and Gesticulating Abdul and Big Fruity and the rest of the mythical gang will all be there in spirit if not in actual manifested body, come and join us as we play it again for you, for them, for everyone, come and get involved.
Sept 5
So here we go, hang on as we creak up to the top of the rollercoaster and then plunge crazily down the other side, everyone screaming, wetting themselves, the mechanism creaking like a haunted house, the ground rushing up to meet you, the taste of bile in your mouth, everyone losing their shit in delight or terror or both - that’s right folks, it’s TRUSS UK FTW so you can cut that negativity right out of your life and strut proudly along to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH where you can ready yourself for the new era that opens up before us in through the portal and into the new light-touch low-regulation Upside Down or plains of Morgoth or whatever the new freeports will be branded as… stop staring at your depleted news app like a poor lil bunny in the headlights, turn off all your energy using appliances carefully and come and hunker down with man like Luke “Special Master” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “General Election” Thomas (drms) as they buck the trend and to deliver an endless torrent of 100% renewable cosmic energy direct down the pipeline and into your life through the medium of hot licks and cool grooves…. any number of esteemed special guests may well find their way down, singing the praises of British Cheese as they step boldly through the swinging door full of bold new visions for the musical future, ready to sit in and do their thing, the ragged battalions of the night will conduct their customary manoeuvers under the generalship of Abdul the gesticulating maniac, the ascended masters of the Bee’s Team will be ready and waiting to make with the quality hooch at your command…. let your World Line pick you up and take you here, beyond the cosmic horizon, while there’s still time, before autumn’s sere breath withers the leaf, while the hedgerows are still heavy with fruit and the air hangs still over the glassy sea… we’re not done yet, oh no, this isn’t the end, it’s the beginning.