28th August
Suns out - guns out - You'd like to be chillaxing on the beach. But it's just sooooo time consuming, singlehandedly challenging structural injustice when you're fully woke... Quit your humblebragging, lay off the virtue signalling, get off your high horse and get down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE'S MOUTH cos everyone needs a little time to get over themselves, be they Vegan Antifa or swivel-eyed ReesMoggistas... As the last chiming echoes of summer resound from the lambent vault, as the sunlight sparkles and saints cast down their shining crowns upon the glassy sea, as even the barbecue scent of scorched meat and paraffin seems tinged with nostalgia for the seasons passing, as Jezza and Kier go hard, then soft, then hard, then soft again, as David Davis and his cabal of rubicund nincompoops grunt and burp their tattoo of truculent mediocrity across the channel, we'll have Luke 'Heliocentric' Rattenbury (gtr) plus special guest Dan 'The Law' Breslaw (drms) pouring out a joyous torrent of hot swinging music, plus me on bass, the silken naiads of the Bee's team ready with the quality liqours, and whatever shattered human flotsam remains after pursuing the phantom of pleasure through the guilty maze of dissipation in the customary bank holiday orgy... Not long now, not long, so grab your axe down off the shelf and come join us, whoever you are, join us.
21st August
Sure, you’re all fully woke neophiliacs, plugged in and networked to the max, liking and sharing yourself to a brighter future, crowdsharing your way into the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind…. but wait up! What if it’s all been a terrible mistake and all your digital hoo-ha is just a cover for the fact that we’re all trapped in an endless cycle of stupidity while our twitchy monkey brains are dazzled by the dancing pixels? Let JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH provide you with an anchor in these troubled times, cos the online is poisonous with gaseous emanations from vloggers, bloggers, jihadists, alt-right, alt-left and control-alt-delete muttonheads, from repeated outbreaks of intemperate statue smashing and tiki-torch waving, from government by itchy Twitter-finger, from international nuclear dick swinging exercises, from arid Brexit prognoses that even the protagonists are losing interest in, from ill-informed debates on every contemporary hot potato from multicoloured privilege to transwhateverism as everyone stakes a claim to be smarting under the oppression of everyone else …. we’ve got Luke ‘The Eternal Triangle” Rattenbury (gtr) fresh from the muddy fields of festival-land, we’ve got special guest, the highly evolved Alpine sticksman extraordinare Alex Eberhardt on the traps, I’ll be providing bass as best I can, the transplendent beings of the Bee’s team under the benevolent leadership of dandy highwayman Jack Rowan will be waiting to lay some quality liquors out to ease your minds, the music will be hot and sweet and swinging like the clappers… everything is guaranteed to be 100% real in the here and now cos we don’t let our minds write a cheque that our physical emanations can’t cash… let dogs delight to bark and bite, let Mr Bannon slink away to nurse his wierd blotchy face in private, let the US be plunged into apocalyptic darkness, let Sir Bruce soft-shoe his way up the great conveyor belt to eternity, what you need is a dose of the real live vibrations of human connectivity and we’ve got a ton of it to give away for free, so tear yourselves away from your tethered devices and come and join us, join us…
14th August
Did they promise you could all be winners, all the time? Well, you can’t, not even if you’re Sir Moseph Farah or U. ‘Crazy Legs’ Bolt - sh*t just isn’t set up that way - but you can still get yourself down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH and get yourself another slice of hot swinging jazz-to-bop-to-latin-to-whatever served up hot and spicy and just the way you like it by the undimming efforts of Luke “Fire” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Fury” Thomas (drms) to spread some peace love and understanding by just doing their thing and keeping the channels of creativity open, aided by me on bass as best I can… as the Orange Ogre shows himself to be every bit as repulsively homicidally catastrophically moronically Nazi-enablingly destructive as we all knew he would, don’t be dismayed - as Brexit unfolds like the most boring slo-mo disaster movie ever shot, with each utterly predictable crisis arriving in agonisingly slow lo-res, don’t be downhearted - don’t just sit glued to your screen watching the pixels slowly congeal into yet another cluster of idiocy, like a porn download via dial-up, don’t even think about the fresh round of prevarication hesitation and deviation that awaits us when both Tory and Labour return from their ideologically opposed holidays and plunge right back into the inevitable clammy whirlpool of infighting, don't keep on staring at that circles thing in the hope that they will finally appear….. do you wake with a start at night, gasping for breath as you surface from a dreary nightmare of annihilation? Does the sunshine fail to warm the chill in your heart, do the voices of the kids in the park seem to echo like a foretaste of perdition, do the shrill, tiny cries of the swifts high overhead in the scented dusk seem like the farewell admonitions of departing seraphim as they prepare to leave you, never to return? You need to lighten up, jack, re-connect with the source, there’s still a cornucopia of good vibes around, the game is still afoot, come and join us and we'll share them out amongst ourselves once again, once again.
7th August
Lost a bit of bounce? Everything feeling a bit Usain Bolt? Even the prospect of a fiery online Brexit debate not getting a rise any more? Is the post-Pride comedown taking the gilt off your facial glitter? JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE'S MOUTH has the remedy for your malady, so stick your pink hotpants into the wash and set to thermonuclear, pack your assless chaps back into the closet for another year, and set your controls for where Luke 'Tolerance' Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz 'Diversity' Thomas (drms) will be beating back the shitty weather and creating a microclimate of radiant n sultry swing-to-bop-to-groove-to-whatever, aided by me on bass, while the effervescent Bee's team assiduously spread good vibes and quality liquors to get the tarnish off your varnish .... Hush your negging, quit dogging around, grab yer axe down off the shelf and come and join us it's still all to play for, the fakers gonna fake and the haters gonna hate but we're just gonna shake shake shake it out..