31st Jan
Put on your velveteen smoking jacket, sit back in your easy chair, pour a glass of port and settle in for the evening with a morocco leather bound edition of Sue Grey’s lovely report to peruse at your leisure….. oh look, you’ve finished already and there’s nothing you didn’t already know, so why not do yerself a favour, grab your axe down off the shelf and high-tail it down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH to witness the clear and robust policy of hot licks and cool grooves being implemented by man like Luke ‘Leadership’ Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz ‘Judgement’ Thomas (drms) as they demonstrate their ability to observe the high standards expected of those rocking some killing bop-to-blues-to-whatever…. I’ll be there maintaining a respectful attitude towards the public interest on bass, the peerless ascended masters of the Bee’s Team will be there, under the responsible and accountable leadership of the redoubtable Captain Jack Rowan, to ensure that the consumption of alcohol is entirely appropriate at all times, and who knows what travellers may appear unbidden at the door from out of the star-studded night sit in, do their thing and get into it? Significant levels of uplifting musical vibrations will be drawn from these events which must be addressed immediately, so leave the lying liars to loll on the broken swing, eyes glazed and swollen tongue protruding, polluting your newsfeed with their lying lies, and come and get where the good people are, nothing is true, everything is permitted… the song of the dunnock is heard once again upon the hilltop and the starlings yearn to leave the flock, the world is turning, come and join us, what’s to lose?
24th Jan
Ok, so maybe April is the cruellest month, breeding Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain, etc etc, but January is still a pile of depressing wintry despair, frozen hard like your poor aching heart, your tiny hand skittering over your touchscreen trying to summon joy from the metaverse, no more ice-skating or laughing, only dread and emptiness… but wait? Who’s a-coming? Thank holy f*k, it’s JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH riding back into town with it’s silver spurs a-jingling, straight up the snow-covered main street with man like Luke “The Revenant” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Master Of Niflheimr” Thomas (drms) standing back and standing by to deliver another intoxicating brew of blues-to-bop-to-swing-to-whatever goodness to restore the circulation to your pleasure centres and get you back on the good foot, aided in some manner by whatever I can cook up on bass….we’ll keep the howling insensate darkness at bay for a little while longer thanks to the additional ministrations of the peerless ascended beings of the Bee’s Team as they wait, shimmering imperceptibly, behind the well-stocked bar ready to make with the quality liquors at your command, and thanks to whatever honoured guests may find their way across the pitiless wasteland of the garbage strewn pavements and enter, shaking the frost from their brazen wings and the dirt from their agate claws, ready to sit in and do their thing… don’t slump feebly in a corner waiting for sh*t to get sorted by all those no-mark lollygagging assholes who’ve elbowed their way into the seats of power, don’t turn your back on love, don’t let em grind you down, grab yer axe down off the shelf and come join us, though your path may seem beset upon all sides by the unrighteous, we’ll have a time.
17th Jan
Let’s be honest and admit it - no-one has a clue - that we’re all just blundering around in a digital fog of hyperreality, never knowing our right foot from our left, our hats from our gloves, our signifiers from our referents, or even which way is up anymore, so how to really tell the difference between work n partaaay? Morally vacuous political leaders looking for guidance should get down smartish to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH, and so should everyone else cos you’ll get to witness the full glory of man like Luke “dApp” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “NFT Derivatives” Thomas (drms) as they demonstrate the fine art of working everything u got while partying like it’s ZOZZ forever, thus showing that for those with a full command of hot licks, cool grooves and all the good sh*t that comes with a thorough mastery of blues-to-bop-to-whatever it’s possible to defy that square-ass Newtonian jive and be in both spaces at the same time…. I’ll be involved in some dimensional capacity on bass, the peerless ascended beings of the Bees’ team will materialise on this gross vibrational level just for you, laden with libations of the finest booze known to humanity, and any manner of freaks and monsters may swing by to express themselves… drive your seasonal ennui down to net zero, stabilise your vibe deficit, get on the good foot and get on down…. Bozza may be sagging against the ropes like a sad stuffed toy that’s been left out in the rain but his evil boneheaded minions are rallying, fresh bullshit is being cooked up as we speak, the game’s not over yet, so prep yerself by grabbing yer axe down off the shelf and coming to join us, we’ll have a time.
10th Jan
What’s keeping your ship afloat on the murky seas of boring January? Is it transcendental meditation, disappointing polyamory, making models of Lincoln cathedral out of matchsticks, thrilling to the cross-border adventures of Serbian sportsmen? Or are you just waiting out your medicated meatspace days in a cycle of mask n swab until the moment when the Singularity arrives and your Ring doorbell takes control of your puny destiny? Get up and get jiggy with it cos JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH is back roaring across the turgid ocean of your post-festive ennui like a massive gleaming hydrofoil made of gold that you can eat, under the proud command of man like Luke “Pink Panther” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “So Solid Crew” Thomas (drms) as they weave a deep-pile carpet of sonic luxury, with hot licks and cool grooves in every warp and weft, for you to just roll around on like a demented labrador until every drop of foul-smelling weltschmerz is wiped away and you feel free… I’ll be contributing what I can on bass, dandy highwayman Jack Rowan and his fearless crew of lusty buccaneers will be standing by behind the well-stocked bar with all manner of top-quality hooch, various esteemed guests may chance their arm and come down for a blow to enhance the splendour of proceedings, a whole bunch of good shit will go down regardless of isolation rules, supply chain issues, plunging crypto prices, Russian troops massing at the frontier, etc etc … wanna be a part of it? Let not procrastination be the thief of whatever time remains to you on this earthly sphere, get your Hi Tec trainers on and get down, it’ll be very.
3rd Jan
Are you hesitating, poised, balanced on a knife edge between hope and hangover, quivering on the brink of whatever ZOZZ may bring, peering out between your fingers from behind your suspiciously stained sofa? The time to hesitate is through, jack, it’s time to man up, get camelicious and dive right in cos JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH is here once again to stiffen your moral fibre, put a spring in your step and restore the light of hope n stuff to the poor washed out caverns of your post-festive eyes, so stop squabbling listlessly on socials about shit that you didn’t break and can’t mend and instead get your bad self down to where man like Luke “Papa Legba” Rattenbury (gtr) and returning champ Loz “Eternal Lightness Of Being” Thomas (drms), assisted in some measure by me on bass, will be laying out a broad smooth highway of hot licks and cool grooves for you to stride your way right through whatever lamentable confection of chicanery awaits us from our elected representatives, unelected tech moguls, culture war wankers, nationalists and know-alls, Youtube experts, Bitchute blowhards and Bitcoin bores, right-wing crybabies and left-wing buzzkills, and all the rest of the appalling cavalcade of repellent poltroons that beset the paths of righteousness…. wait for the slow return of the light across the bitter hillside, listen to the soughing of the wind in the branches at dusk, watch the flight of the starlings, raise up your eyes from the babbling twinkling microelectronically pulsing quicksand held in your trembling lil paw, remember to breathe, let’s go…